I’m obviously a really great blogger.

Hahahahahaha. I started my blog in March. I wrote my first blog entry, then my second one….annnnnnd that’s it. God dammit! Life just gets in the way I guess. And I think I was all like “people don’t really wanna read this crap”. And we bought a house. And we went on vacation. And my grandma died. Ya know, life happened in extremes.

It felt like things were starting to settle. But then last month we decided to start the trying to conceive process. Again. For what feels like the 23948 time. For those of you that have read my previous stuff you know that trying to get pregnant with baby #2 has been a complete shit show. We had our second failed IVF last February and have been taking a break since then. We didn’t even talk about it over the summer because we wanted to enjoy our life with Finn. I thought about it almost everyday (and I’m sure Moni did too) but we didn’t dare bring it up to each other.  I should probably tell you that my RE in Hershey basically told me that I was NOT a candidate for IVF anymore because I just wasn’t responding well. We had our failed IVF consult in March or April (I honestly can’t remember). At that time we were weighing all of our options. I started IVF because I had a test (HSG test) done locally in Oct. of 2012 to check to see if my tubes were blocked. That procedure was a mother f’n nightmare! I ended up in the hospital after the procedure because I could not stop bleeding and they were throwing around words like “hysterectomy”…ummmm, what?! As if all that wasn’t bad enough, they told me that both of my tubes were 100% blocked. So we switched doctors and moved onto IVF because we thought it made more sense financially and otherwise. But ya know 30 some thousand dollars and almost 3 years later…I’m not so sure if we can even pretend that any of this has worked out in our favor financially. So anyway…back to weighing our options. We had Moni tested. And by tested I mean they did some basic fertility blood work on her. We wanted to see if using Monis uterus and/or eggs was even an option. I’ll have you know that my butch wife had a ridiculously high ovarian reserve. Of COURSE she did! We also had me do the HSG test again. My RE was concerned that my results were not even close to accurate. Because I had such trauma she thought that maybe my tubes had just started to spasm and weren’t actually blocked. She was right. I had the repeat HSG and my tubes were 100% open. So we had that information and just decided to sit on all that for a bit. We knew that we couldn’t afford to do IVF again. We just had to think about how we wanted to proceed. Well then September rolled around and we were all like “maybe we should try IVF again”. That was mostly brought on because we found a clinic in NY that was MUCH cheaper. Although it would still have been like $10,000 when it was all said and done so I’m not sure if I’d put that in the cheap category. We did schedule a consult with them and cancelled at the last-minute. Ultimately we decided to use our remaining vials of Finns donor (we have 3) and hope for the best. Our insurance covers IUI’s. Financially, IUI’s seem like the most responsible way to go. I’m taking oral medication to increase my chances a little bit. We did talk extensively about Moni carrying. She was open to it. A part of her even really wanted to do it. BUT, with her job…it’s just too much of a risk. In all ways. Since we are a one income family we have to be smart about all this. There’s no point in sugar-coating it…my chances of success are probably pretty low. But I chose to not think about that. I’m going to acupuncture. I’m dreaming about our babies that haven’t even been conceived yet. We have 3 vials. 3 chances. That is bittersweet. It has been such a long road. We’ve been at this for 3 years. I want to get pregnant more than anything. Trust and believe I will be heartbroken if I go through these 3 cycles and fail each time. But there is a part of me that knows that come January…this will all be over. I’ll either be pregnant or I won’t. January will be the end of my infertility journey.

So cross your fingers for us. I went for an ultrasound today and the medication did work. We will go for our IUI on Friday morning. We had planned to not tell anyone (or at least not more than a few people). But I just want to put good energy out there. I want people to root for us.